You've Got Mail

I didn't have to work today. So of course I'm still in my swimming suit from laying out by the pool earlier. I miss the summers when that was pretty much all I wore all day, everyday. Tierra wants to watch the early Fast & Furious movies tonight. I can promise if she shows up with movies I'll still be sitting here in my suit. How's that for a day off?? Lazy, lazy, lazy.

You've Got Mail is on TV right now. I'm watching it and blogging during commercials. Listening to them connect in their emails and then watching them struggle in person reminds me how much easier it is for me to communicate in writing than it is for me to express myself in person. I was just talking to a good friend of mine about how I tend to censor quite a bit of myself in person. It's probably because possible rejection is standing right there in front of me, ha ha. Here, I don't censor quite as much. I still do, because it's the internet and my blog isn't private. I DO like to be somewhat private about my life, but I'm a little more open when I'm blogging. My journals are the most private form of writing and if you really wanted to know how I'm doing you could find it all in there because I don't censor myself at all in those. It's nice to have an outlet where I can be 100% myself and not have to worry about what I say changing how well I'm accepted.

I have very, and I mean very, few friends that I can be all of me with. I have a friend that I can go to whenever I've discovered something "deep" and want to talk about it, but who is completely baffled by my love for the Kardashians. She wouldn't last 5 minutes watching that show with me. But my other friend would watch a Keeping Up With The Kardashians marathon with me for an entire weekend. She'd bring snacks, I'd make food. It'd be great. Can I talk to her about my family?? Not really. She doesn't get it. There is one girl, though, that understands every part of me: the part that loves the Kardashians, the part that aches for that once in a lifetime love again, the part that is deeply committed to my religion, the part that thinks (and sometimes might say) WTF when life throws a killer curve ball my way, all of it. She is the best friend and she's been a godsend this last year... and it kills me that this next week is my last week of work with her. I was at work when I found out I got this new job. I was in the back office on the phone when Jessie told me they created that position for me. I was freaking out!! The second I got off the phone I jumped up and ran out into the hall and yelled to Kimmie "They went for it!! I got it!! They created that job for me!!" We freaked out together for a couple seconds before both of us realized that meant I was leaving and we wouldn't be working together anymore. If someone had been watching how quickly we went from jumping for joy to uncontrollable tears running down both of our faces they'd probably think we were crazy. That girl... is the best friend anyone could ask for. And I'm gonna miss her.

One more week in St. George. Well, 10 days to be exact. Not very many days, but I'm seriously counting down the minutes and there are just soooo many minutes from now until next Tuesday. And it feels like the closer I get to leaving, the closer all of the things I hate about St. George get. It's inevitable, I know it is, but if I can just get to Sandy before it happens I can put it off for another long time. I know I'm being vague, but that's how it goes. Infer what you want... you'll probably be close. :) I'd just like the freedom to move on and St. George isn't cutting it. So Sandy here I come!! I found a great house close to work with some great girls. I'm excited to live somewhere I've never lived before... kind of. It's kind of scary, too. But IKEA is close and so is my good friend, Dani. She never plays her piano and I never play my cello. We're in the same boat and have promised each other that we're going to play together. I'll have all I need. :)

Roots. I've been nervous to grow them anywhere and I've put myself in situations where I know I won't be growing any, but I'm excited because I finally feel like it's the time and the place to grow them.

10 more days.

10 more days.

And then I remember what I'm leaving behind and I stop counting because that's depressing, too.