I spent a lot of time writing in my journal yesterday.
I read an article from Time.com a while back titled "18 Behaviors of Emotionally Intelligent People" (you might have seen the link floating around on Facebook. You can read it here if you'd like) and I really enjoyed what I read. It's important to me to be introspective and honest about myself and to always be looking for areas to improve in. That list had a lot of great stuff and I wanted to make sure I could look back on it so I spent a lot of time summarizing that list into my journal for future reference.
I also wrote about Lexi and how horrible and helpless I felt during the attack and afterward at the vet while she was having surgery. It wasn't until I was writing down the whole experience that I realized something very important:
"Watching her on the ground was one of the most terrifying moments of my life and it hit me while we were at the vet... this is just the beginning. There are going to be moments, terrifying moments, when my children or husband or pets are hurt or in trouble or in danger and I won't know if they'll be ok. There are going to be times when it feels like my world is spinning. I hope my first reaction is to call on my Heavenly Father. I said a prayer on the way home from the clinic thanking my Heavenly Father for Lexi's strength and resilience and health, but that was the first time I thought to pray. I hope I learn to lean on Him sooner, always."
I am usually pretty quick to thank my Heavenly Father for everything, but I am SLOW to ask for His help... and I don't particularly like that about myself. Why do I try to do everything on my own?? I am a very independent person. I don't like showing weakness (I'm not sure anybody really does), but why do I feel the need to hide my weakness from my Heavenly Father?? That's impossible. He already knows about them and He's the most capable at helping me... helping me through them and helping me overcome them.
(So as well as working on those 18 Behaviors of Emotionally Intelligent People I am going to be working on this.)
As I wrote about needing my Heavenly Father and remembering that I need him, I pondered on the relationship I already have with Him. I say it all the time and I'll say it forever: my relationship with God is my greatest blessing. I have always felt loved by Him. I have always felt like He knows me and needs me and loves me. And these feelings reminded me of the conversation Jarvis and I had on Sunday night with our friends, Jenny and Jesse. "Jesse made a comment about how God gives and then takes a step back and lets us build with what He gave us. I love that. It illustrates the idea that God trusts us. I like to think that God trusts me. Some might think, then, that when He steps in to suggest a change in our plans that He doesn't trust us anymore, but I think that is another great expression of His love. That He loves us too much to not give us the best."
"I know God wants the best for me. I absolutely, 100% believe that. It's incredible to feel that kind of unconditional love. I hope that I can learn to love the way God loves me."
So in addition to the 18 things and being quick to ask for help, I want to know if it's possible to love others the way that God loves us. And if it is possible, how do I accomplish that??
That's my new study subject. Wish me luck. :)
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